


what we once were

by romansilver



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Day 3, I AM SORRY, Kurooaka Week, M/M, akaashi doesn't like....say anything, bokuto is mentioned like once, i missed the first two days, i rarely write pure angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-11 17:15:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10470081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romansilver/pseuds/romansilver
Summary: kuroo feels lonely, he feels left behind. akaashi left without looking back.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i rarely write pure angst because i am weak im sorry. for kurooaka week 2017

They used to be close. They used to want to be close. Not anymore. Akaashi didn’t look at him any more, didn’t speak to him unless necessary, in short phrases with ice in his voices. Moved away if Kuroo got too close. He didn’t reply if Kuroo texted him, didn’t smile at the jokes Kuroo made, hiding it behind his hand. The warmth in his eyes was gone, replaced with steel and cold. _Leave me alone_ , they seemed to say, and Kuroo did.

They used to be close. But now Akaashi had moved on, leaving Kuroo in the dark, unaware of what he did, what he said, to make Akaashi leave him behind. They used to share looks, when Bokuto was about to get himself into a sticky situation, or The Karasuno kids were about to cause trouble that they would have to deal with. Akaashi would sigh, exasperated, but a ghost of a smile would play on his lips. Kuroo wanted to see more of it, see Akaashi smile, make it last more than a fleeting moment before it was gone. Akaashi’s smile had pulled and tugged and pushed until Kuroo fell for it, fell for Akaashi. It hurt to think about it, hurt to think about the way Akaashi looked away, dealing with it himself, frowning if Kuroo got too close.

They used to be close. They used to have the best conversations, ones that immersed Kuroo like he couldn’t do anything but listen to Akaashi speak, listen to Akaashi explain things Kuroo couldn’t understand. _You don’t understand any of this_ , Akaashi would say, and Kuroo would grin and reply with _No, but you sound nice, so keep going_. Akaashi’s eyes would shine, and Kuroo could almost feel the warmth he saw. It made Kuroo think he had a chance, made Kuroo want to tell him everything, that Akaashi meant more to Kuroo than he thought and ask if it was the same for Akaashi. Kuroo wondered if all that was a lie, if Kuroo had imagined everything to suit his own daydreams. 

They used to be close. Kuroo used to pull all nighters, rush to get everything perfect and in place. It showed the next day, when Akaashi would sigh and sit by Kuroo, letting him drop his head on Akaashi’s shoulder and doze off, content, happy, comfortable. He used to know, somehow, when Kuroo felt the weight of the world on his shoulders, knew when to place a hand on Kuroo’s back, or his shoulder, and whisper soft reassurances until Kuroo felt lighter, felt brighter. Akaashi didn’t even let Kuroo near him, moved away to talk to someone else, leaving Kuroo feeling alone, sad, left behind as Akaashi moved away. As he put distance between them until the loneliness clawed at Kuroo, an inexplicable loss making him sigh and feel heavier than he’d felt in a long time.

They used to be close. Kuroo used to text him in the middle of the night, questions, thoughts that he felt he couldn’t vocalize during the day. He would send Akaashi messages about his insecurities, how he felt like he wasn’t good enough to be a captain, how he felt like the world was moving without him, like he was stuck in one place, never being able to improve. Akaashi would chastise him, _Kuroo-san, you shouldn’t be awake at this hour, you’ll feel better in the morning_ , but he would soothe him, send him messages about what he admired, small, simple compliments that made Kuroo feel a bit better, a bit stronger. Now, he didn’t even reply, didn’t even deign to look at the messages Kuroo sent. It grew harsher, colder, and Kuroo felt alone more than ever.

They used to be close. Kuroo used to tell him about the trouble Nekoma got into, and Akaashi would lift his hand to his mouth. It was subtle, easy to mistake as Akaashi being shocked or disappointed, but the light in his eyes showed Kuroo that he was smiling, the smile Kuroo so desperately wanted to see, hidden behind Akaashi’s hand, blocked off and hidden away. Kuroo used to feel accomplished, feel proud of himself when he managed to make Akaashi smile. It made him smile too, sunshine in his veins and happiness, affection, adoration in his heart. Kuroo wondered if it was all a lie, if Akaashi never meant to let Kuroo in, let Kuroo close to him. He wondered if Akaashi had always been so distant, and Kuroo had let himself believe otherwise, let himself think that tomorrow, tomorrow he would tell Akaashi everything.

Kuroo had never felt so alone.


End file.
